When you arrived in my life
I was afraid to let you down
Let you drown in inneffectual
Synapses which led to
Collapses and then you’d stop.
So instead I held you
Close, kept you near that old
That timekeeper of life
That solace in the night
That sweet warm wet soft sticky
Within me you lived for almost a year
You couldn’t stand it
You had to get here Your joy
for life, your early to rise
Remains and I am amazed at
Your strength your growth
and my own
Because without you I’d never have know
What anything means
A library of dictionaries couldn’t explain it
No map could direct me, no teacher
And so I could not put you down
Some phantom may become
Engaged in my delight
Or bamboozled at the sight of you
And shirk you away where
I would be lost again
I held you
My arms cradled your growth
And I’ll never want to return
or have to unlearn
My thoughts and love for you
The best sin I ever committed
The first time a miracle touched me
You are alive and more
than you will ever be mine
I am yours
The worst thing you do when you think is lie — you can make up reasons that are not true for the things that you did, and what you’re trying to do as a creative person is surprise yourself — find out who you really are, and try not to lie, try to tell the truth all the time. And the only way to do this is by being very active and very emotional, and get it out of yourself — making things that you hate and things that you love, you write about these then, intensely. When it’s over, then you can think about it; then you can look, it works or it doesn’t work, something is missing here. And, if something is missing, then you go back and reemotionalize that part, so it’s all of a piece.
But thinking is to be a corrective in our life — it’s not supposed to be a center of our life. Living is supposed to be the center of our life, being is supposed to be the center — with correctives around, which hold us like the skin holds our blood and our flesh in. But our skin is not a way of life — the way of living is the blood pumping through our veins, the ability to sense and to feel and to know. And the intellect doesn’t help you very much there — you should get on with the business of living.
Make It Stop
I can’t with the pictures out of Syria and the Manning verdict and the coup d’état a la Handmaid’s Tale in Egypt and the release of Mubarak and the domestic espionage and the drone terrorism and the HYPOCRISY of the claims of transparency of the White House during elections and the oh by the way whistleblowers in the spirit of transparency and straight up for real patriotism naw those folks are aiding the enemy, who is the enemy? Well it is us, the good old Yew Ess of Ayyyyyy citizens, we are the enemy, and they have shells filled with chemical that induce rigor totalis in less than one minute, kinda exactly how pesticide works, so we are literally a nuisance and an enemy and we all have our heads bowed down into our phones and our hands occupied and our minds numbed and our bodies fattened on genetically modified everyfood AND and we don’t notice what the world is REALLY up to and if we do notice it’s nbd bc it’s not US it’s happening to well guess what. It is us. In the same masochism of having a hot wax applied to our eyeflesh and ripped away for “looking good” they have been taking the freedoms to perform in our lives with decency and integrity by snatching off our closed eyeflesh quickly the unalienable rights granted to us in the declaration of Revolution against a ruthless and greedy tyrannical and unjust government.
and all we are doing is wincing and waiting for it to be over.
And going back to have it done again. And again. To look good. For the cameras profiling us.
It is very disconcerting and it makes my heart hurt and also using my fingers to type these words may well make me an “enemy” but I guess maybe I’ve always thought the truth as I saw it to be what is the only right answer to give when faced with uncomfortable questions.
And I am so, so sad that the flints that set fire to Rome are the same ones being struck right now and sparks are scattering.
The globe should be past all this by now.