I prefer not to think of them as New Year’s Resolutions anymore. For one, let’s be realistic. We don’t keep them, hardly ever. I’d rather be optimistic than lie to myself. Also, in accordance with Hollywood and zealots, this is the last New Year we can make a resolution, so why not just try to keep our chins up, and prepare for the apocalypse. Mayans didn’t play no shit. They’d cut your head off and play soccer basketball with it just for shits and giggles. So, I’m choosing to assume their creepily accurate calendar is not just gonna start over like every other calendar in the history of history, but is in fact forecasting the doom of hipsters, Gwyneth Paltrow, Republicans, PETA, and everybody but Bjork and Tom Waits (I’m repopulating the future already in my mind.)
So here’s how I’m approaching the Apocalypse, in no order of importance.
1. I want to learn to say “Fuck you” in French, Spanish, and Mandarin. Post Apocalyptic world will be smaller and a lot like Firefly, in my mind’s eye, so I figure knowing Mandarin would be convenient, being as how Repubsies and Conspiracists believe that China is our pimp. Also acknowledging the sheer population of China vs every other country in the world, statistically, it’s best to know a fundamental means of expression when encountering fallout friends. Spanish and French are secondary and tertiary languages for countries that is not the United States (why the fuck are Americans so against being bilingual? We have the monopoly on pride in ignorance.) having some Romance language in my vernacular in the most romantic turn of phrase in the realm of speaking I figure will take me places.
2. I’m continuing to refine and pursue nothing but intelligence, wit, beauty, diversity, and expansion in all realms of my social interaction. I take huge leaps to ensure that I am exposed to varietal ideas and ideals that promote understanding and foster growth. I believe we are a mean of what we surround ourselves in, and I very carefully cultivate the exposure I am subject to. I pay attention to you, if you are in any of my media, and especially in my day to day meat life. The End of the World means this much: there’s not much time is there? We only have a set amount of days to take in what we can from this world, and might as well live like we fucking mean it. Oh, wait. That’s true for every single year, and month, and day we have. I’m an Oncology Nurse and I hear it all the time from death beds. Love one another. Don’t live in regret. Make your apologies. Life is too short. Fucking, be happy already!
3. I want to be the Foursquare mayor of a liquor store in at least Three States in the US. - I am easily amused, a travel nurse, and have ignored alcohol for six months. So, here’s to not ignoring my loved ones(alcohol). Cheers!
4. I’m gonna climb a tree, and hang out up there, like I did when I was seven. I love trees, you guys. I spent many many an hour up a tree when I was little. I feel WRONG and BAD in places that have scrubby piddly trees that you can’t climb, or no trees at all, I’m looking at you, North Texas.
5. Primal Screaming. It clears the Vishuddah, the Truth Chakra. I will sing loudly, I will scream into an abyss or my pillow whenever I feel false, because I will not have my throat chakra clouded and choked with lies. In fact, I will pay keen attention to all my chakras, and let my most powerful energy surge through me. It’s frightened me in the past, and left others wary, but if the world is ending, there is nothing to fear, because it is ending whether I’m truthful or dishonest. Those who will hear me will have their Vishuddah cleansed also, because the same center of truth, is the center for hearing.
I reserve the right to continue this and edit, but these top 5 Optimistic Guidelines will be how I enter the New, Last Year.